I will leave the house, drive away and then turn back to double check that I closed the garage door. I am the last person that should self-diagnose on WebMD because I'm convinced that I am at risk for every serious medical condition. If my husband doesn't answer his phone right away, I automatically assume the worst. I always think I smell a gas leak. I know I will be that mom who will stay up and wait for my kids to come home from hanging out with their friends.
I worry. About absolutely everything. Little things, big things, unimportant things, irrational things. It doesn't matter. I've worried about it all and I have enough worry stored up in me to last a lifetime.
I know this constant state of worry stems from my control issues i.e. the issue that I love being in control. I want everything to go my way. I don't want to be thrown a curveball. I don't want to be blindsided by something I can't handle.
Similarly, I just assume bad things are going to happen to me if I can't control the situation around me. My fear of the unknown causes me to worry things that are completely out of my control, which of course doesn't make any sense. But I still worry. About absolutely everything.
And it's exhausting to be this way. This worry is hanging over me like a dark, thunderous raincloud. I want to be free from it. But it's not always so simple.
Slowly I know I'm getting better. But sometimes I still have moments where my worry/stress/anxiety level is very high. Thank God for my husband. He is very patient with me. He knows how to calm me down with a big bear hug and reassuring words. He doesn't condescend me. He doesn't invalidate my feelings. He listens and after he's done listening, he talks me through the situation and helps me see things in perspective.
God has been really challenging me in this area. I feel Him pushing me towards my One Word for 2013: Seek. He is telling me to seek peace. Seek the peace that comes from Him. Seek the peace that comes from resting in His will. Seek the peace that comes from trusting in His plans.
It was only fitting that this week I received an email from Mary DeMuth's 13 Days to a New Heart, New Life containing this prayer:
Wow. God knew I needed this prayer today and yesterday and probably every day for the rest of my life.
This is a busy season for me and also a time of transition. My husband and I are looking for a house to buy which has been emotionally exhausting and frustrating at times. If there was ever a time where I needed to let go of my worries and seek peace it is now!
It's hard to seek peace when I'm so focused on the worry and fear. But I know that the constant stress and anxiety is not what God wants for me. I know this isn't how I'm supposed to live out my days. So I seek peace in 2013 and I pray that I will be able to find it.
Can you relate? Are you a fellow "worrywart"? What are you worried about going into 2013? What are some tips that you find helpful in alleviating worry or stress? Let me know in the comments!